sap...

Up until approx. 35 seconds ago, today was a joke. One of those days that matches the weather to a T. Incidentally, the weather today has been  grey, sopping wet, cold, overall miserable. Bleck! Let me go back to sleep and wake up tomorrow when life looks a little brighter, a little warmer.  Well that is until Evan sent me an article about things that change once you have a baby. I must admit, I've been in panic mode with this baby and what changes will happen to my life and how I won't potentially be me any more and my, my, my, me, me, me, I, I, I. Nothing I'm proud of and already experiencing mom guilt about, but nevertheless, it's been riding sidecar with me the past few days. That is until I was reminded by the list below what our little bee will bring to us...

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
4. You respect your body ... finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

week 14

Uff da for this week! This week has been a doozy, and it’s not due to the baby. We so graciously found out on Wednesday that the condo we have been renting has sold, and subsequently, we must be out by April 15^th. That leaves us with less than a month to vacate and find a new abode. Words cannot describe the panic and stress felt throughout our household this week.  The panic isn’t necessarily from being pregnant and having to move, but more from the lack of time we have to find a place that will be conducive for raising an infant, while also in a great neighborhood. What I wouldn’t give to move within a 4 block radius, but I understand, that is not what one would call realistic. Thankfully we have some great friends and Mama and Pops Steppan who have offered up their homes for us, so we won’t be homeless…woohoo! I can’t help but chuckle at the thought of moving into my childhood bedroom with Evan, our unborn child and Kirby. How snug and cozy! See younger version of myself? I knew you wouldn’t end up a spinster! Desperately trying to find the silver lining, while also obsessing over Craigslist and Zillow.  So there’s that…(deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths)

Best Moment: Evan’s dad has agreed to build lil’ Sodi’s crib! He is a skilled carpenter who just so happens to have a little extra time on his hands as a retiree. How great that our little babe’s first bed will be made with love and affection by h/h (new shorthand for his/her) grandpa. It means so much to us that he has agreed to take on this task, and even if he and Deb can’t be here for the day in and day out, hopefully this will help all of us stay connected throughout the process.

I must also admit that another great moment was receiving little bee’s first outfit! My good friend Tiffany surprised us with an adorable little outfit that will look absolutely superb on h/h.  It is so crazy to think that the little person inside me will one day fit into the little two piece ensemble. I simply can’t wait!

Symptoms:  Physically, I feel like a new woman. Granted the nausea hasn’t completely subsided, it has mellowed to a completely tolerable level and I’m feeling good. My energy is returning as well and I might even sign up for a half marathon. Ha…there’s no truth in that, but that is how great I’m feeling these days. My emotional symptoms are another issue. All I can say is poor Evan. The amount of tears shed lately are downright embarrassing. What’s more embarrassing is, aside from our moving news, I have no clue what brings on the waterfall. Zero. Zilch. I just want to slap myself and say “get a grip, woman!”  Give it up for hormones!

Cravings/Aversions:  Jimmy.Johns. Nothing, NOTHING is more appealing to me than the #6 Vegetarian sub on French bread, minus mayo, plus Dijon. The best part? I can order and pay for it online, and have it in my mouth within 15 mins. Those fellas at JJ’s know how to please a woman and I simply can’t get enough. Oh- grapefruit juice and mini Cadbury eggs aren’t horrible either. Didn’t really notice any aversions this week which is a really incredible feeling. In fact, grocery shopping wasn’t a practice in controlling gag reflexes, but instead, a nice stroll through the aisles, grabbing things as needed. Hallelujah.

What I Miss: I don’t believe I’ve “popped” yet, but my clothes are fitting like a post-Thanksgiving Day binge. Not that I ever had a 6-pack to flaunt, but this in-between stage is…odd. I’ve always felt that I’ve done a good job working with what I’ve got, but this is an entirely different story. It’s kind of soft, kind of hard…and actually, my horoscope this morning nailed it. The “headline” read: Softening and Expanding. Bingo. Sure it may have been referring to having an open mind and expanding how we go about dealing with the harshness of life, but by God, if it wasn’t also referring to the current state of my bod. Astrology is amazing. How did it know?!

What I Can't Wait For: Finding new living quarters to start nesting. I have plenty of ideas for a neutral baby’s room and can’t wait to start hunting pieces out and bringing it to life. And just so we’re all clear, Evan and I are waiting to find out our little bee’s gender, so when I refer to it by one pronoun or another, it’s only because I’m trying to avoid calling the human in my body an “it.” Deal? Deal.

Milestones: Guten Tag, Second Trimester! Baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb. Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him -- a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too.  Baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches -- about the size of a lemon -- and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces.

week 13

Best Moment: The ultrasound I had last Tuesday, hands down. It was the best for a few reasons. Of course, seeing our little bee at this stage was just incredible. The last time we saw the babe was at 8 weeks when it looked just like a bumble bee (i.e. not really anything, just a sonogram blob). Now, by God, we've got a baby in there! Head, hands, feet, arms and legs- properly packaged! To actually see those parts on the screen was indescribable. Of course, day in and day out I am fully aware of my pregnancy, but to look at the screen and see the little life inside me makes it all the more real and that much more exciting. 

The blessing and curse of this appointment was that Evan wasn't there...but Dana was. While this ultrasound was part of a testing sequence, for some ridiculous reason, Evan and I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. For the record...any time you have an ultrasound and can actually see your baby, it is a BIG DEAL. But alas, rookie parents, we didn't know A from B when it came to this test. So we agreed  it would be fine for Evan to miss the appointment and me to go at it alone. From day one, Dana had said she'd love to go to any appointments she could, so when I saw the opportunity for her to come with me to a "routine" appointment, I invited her along. Thankfully, she was able to sneak away from work and have a baby date with me, mid day. Of course, it would have been wonderful to have Evan there, but it was equally as special to have Dana by my side. If daddy couldn't be there, Auntie D was the perfect stand-in!

Symptoms:  This week was a good one! Dare I say, I'm on the up and up? The nausea, while not completely gone, is subsiding and the discomfort seems to be easing bit by bit. My energy even seems to be on the uptick, which feels incredible. One can only feel totally and utterly worthless for so long, you know.

Cravings/Aversions: Slowly but surely my tummy can handle more (ha...those are words I've never spoken before). Red meat and chicken are still major turnoffs, but the doors are opening further and further and the choir of angels sings. I know, I probably shouldn't be using my choir all willy nilly, but it just feels appropriate right now. 

What I Miss:  At the risk of sounding like a lush or my former college self (may she live forever), St. Patrick's Day was a little tough. I'm typically a big fan of the holiday and love me an Irish car bomb (or two), along with the overall kitschy holiday vibe, so a quiet evening at home with my parents and Evan was quite a change. Of course, I understand that it was only prep for many St. Patty's to come, so let's consider it an adjustment holiday, but if I'm admitting things I miss, imbibing on St. Patrick's great day was one of them. 

past

present

future? 

What I Can't Wait For:  The second trimester! It's right around the corner folks, and I shall welcome it with open arms. 
Milestones: Baby is now the size of a peach! He's forming teeth and vocal cords. He is approaching normal proportions, with his head now only one third the size of his body (woo-wee). Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy-- much more convenient. 

make that 12

Oh yesterday, how I loved thee.  How wonderful it was meeting Dr. Emanuel and breathing a huge sigh of relief that she is, in fact, a good fit for us and the babe.  After a traumatic weigh-in (really? a 6lb discrepancy between my at-home scale and the doctor’s scale? really?!) and brief Q&A session, we heard the little bee’s heartbeat! Having already seen the heartbeat, Evan and I weren’t sure hearing it would actually be that exciting, but of course, we were wrong. Having gone about 4 weeks from the first ultrasound, the heartbeat served as a great reminder and check-in that lil sodi is alive and, well, beating! At a strong 170 bpm, everything sounded great and right on track. Or perhaps a tad bit ahead of schedule. We also learned that I’m more around the 12 week mark than the 11 week, which puts the big day at 9.19 rather than 9.24. It also means that I’m that much closer to the second trimester! Come on renewed energy!!

Another appointment highlight was that our doc will most likely deliver our baby! She’s always on call for her patients and has delivered almost all of their babies. Love it. Evan and I have been worried about a “Knocked Up” delivery situation (mean Asian doctor), but hopefully those fears can now be put to ease.

Post appointment we grabbed ourselves some delicious frozen yogurt (which we vowed would be a tradition from here on out) and scooted on home. But alas, the fun doesn’t end there! Once at home, I was greeted by the most thoughtful surprise. My good friend Courtney had sent a pregnancy care package! Complete with pregnancy magazines, a couple of books, my favorite candy (whoop whoop for mini Cads!), some stretch mark oil (thank God), ginger candies (for, per Court, “all f*cking day long sickness), and some other little treats. It was such a sweet surprise and the perfect cap to a fabulous afternoon. I’ve mentioned how lucky we are, right?

week 11

Best Moment: Last Saturday night we had a group of good friends over for dinner, with the intent to share our news. While Saturday was technically week 10, who’s counting? It was a fabulous evening filled with lots of love and happiness! We are so incredibly lucky to have such supportive friends in our lives. How easy it is to take those closest to us for granted, but times like these serve as long overdue reminders as to why we chose to bring them into our lives and why they have stayed for so long.
I’d be remiss not to mention the visit from my parents on Sunday. Reminiscent of their visits in college, they came bearing the necessities to ensure their daughter is eating (not necessarily eating well, but eating in general) and being taken care of. In they walk with bags full of mac n’ cheese (my current obsession), carbs in multiple forms (still a savior), cottage cheese (love) OJ, and catalogs from Land of Nod and Pottery Barn Kids. Even though my hormones were telling me that any form of social interaction wasn’t going to bode well for any involved, my parents didn’t seem to mind and ordered us dinner and stayed to chat about lil’ Sodi. At the risk of sounding redundant, have I mentioned how lucky we are?!
Symptoms:  If last week I was taking a turn for the worst, this week is looking a bit sunnier. I’m not as nauseous as before, although the constant hum is still, well, constant, but things are definitely looking up. My face is still that of a teenager’s going through puberty but I’m hoping a facial this weekend will help rectify the situation. Otherwise, mama and baby are doing just fine!
Cravings/Aversions: Boxed mac n’ cheese. You know, the really really good kind. The kind you devoured without a second thought in college, yet would only purchase if incognito (or pregnant) in your adult life.  I know, I know, it’s not the most nutritious (although there is dairy in it), but when your belly is dictating what you eat, you must listen.  Cottage cheese is also at the top of the list (incidentally, for Evan as well), along with the usual suspects, OJ, cranberry juice and goldfish.  Regarding aversions, it’s the same old song and dance. See previous weeks for a refresher.
What I Miss: Shopping with ease. Last night I received the Nordstrom bible in the mail and was heartbroken to admit that while there were many items on my “must have” list, a list it would only be.  This year, updating my spring wardrobe takes on a whole new meaning, and means experiencing new stores (A Pea in the Pod, Gap Maternity, etc.) for “cute” mummu type tops and dresses that will accommodate my expanding belly. I’m already completely discouraged by the choices out there.  What sane woman is wearing khakis A) ever And B) when pregnant? I don’t mean to offend, but unless you’re working as a Starbucks barista or Home Depot, why khakis? Sure there are some options that are acceptable (think camel color, trouser fit) but for the majority that are sold, unacceptable in my book (Old Navy, I’m talking to you).  Of course, this is really the least of my pregnancy concerns, and I’ll end up in my standard uniform of black, grey and white, but for all the women who’ve experienced this before, I now feel your pain.
What I Can't Wait For: We have the first appointment with our new OB, Dr. Emanuel, today and I can’t wait to meet her! I switched OB’s before even meeting the first one, because I found out that the Ballard Swedish does in fact deliver babies, and the thought of moving this operation to our neighborhood was extremely appealing.  I’m hoping we can hear the little babe’s heartbeat today and discuss “what’s next.”
Milestones: Little bumble bee is just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a lime and now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden. She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.
Every week when I read about the baby’s development, I’m simply amazed. How surreal it is to know that all of it is happening, inside me, RIGHT NOW!

week 10

Best Moment: Like a great husband, Evan gives me a quick goodbye kiss before he leaves for work in the morning. It's always very sweet, although 90% the time I'm still in a deep slumber and don't hear him or feel him. Luckily, the other morning I was awake enough to hear him whisper "Bye mama, have a good day, I love you" then he patted my belly ever so lightly and said "bye baby, I love you" and of course finished up with a quick goodbye for Kirby. The moment of him expressing his love to all three of us was just so precious and one I won't soon forget. Although I'm not showing (that my friends, is just a bloat bump), the developing little person inside me is very much real and a part that we are growing to love and bring into our lives. It's crazy to imagine that we will be our own little family of 4 in just a matter of 7 months. I feel so fortunate to have such a supportive, caring, loving husband to build this family with. What a sweet family it shall be!

Symptoms:  Well folks, looks like we're taking a bit of a turn for the worst this week with the nausea. I have heard that sometimes is gets worse before it finally gets better and this may be that time. If that is the case, I can dig, I can dig- as long as it means once these days are over,  it's all uphill from here. My emotions also seem to have taken a turn for the worst. What a joyride. Poor Evan...did I mention what a good husband he is? I know I'm testing his patience more than he could ever imagine, but we're making it through, tears and all! The second trimester can't come soon enough, yet at the same time...it definitely can. 

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing new in this camp this week, although those evil little girls started selling their delicious, irresistible cookies again (damn you Girl Scouts, love you tag-a-longs)! 

What I Miss: Feeling good. I really look forward to getting my energy back and making it through a day of work without running to dry heave somewhere. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's not the most convenient thing- as I'm sure millions of other expectant mothers can vouch. Thankfully my boss knows I'm a walking party of two, and is very understanding. 

What I Can't Wait For: Last night I had a dream about the baby (in this case it was a girl!) and she was about 5 months or something (I have no gauge of children's ages...something I better read up on) and we were playing on the floor and I just smothered her in kisses. She was giggling and I was so in love. I just remember the feeling I had in my dream, being so consumed with pure happiness and love, and I know that's coming. That I can't wait for...

Milestones: Lil' Sodi has advanced to the size of a kumquat/prune! Weighing in at .14 oz, the little bee is 1.2 inches long and is growing tiny nails on the fingers and toes. All of the vital organs have formed and are beginning to function. Take that in...at just 1.2 inches long, it's little organs are functioning!