breakdown...it's alright

And so it begins...the first of many breakdowns prior to returning to work. My heart aches, it feels broken, in fact. How am I supposed to leave my perfect, darling daughter? How, after nearly 5 months of spending every waking moment with her, staring at her beautiful face, watching her grow and develop before my very eyes, how am I expected to leave her in the care of strangers, day in and day out? Will she know she's loved beyond measure? Will her "teachers" shower with even a fraction of the love Evan and I do on a daily basis? Will she feel abandoned when I leave her each morning? Will she prefer her teachers to me? Will the mornings, evenings and weekends be enough? I can't imagine they will ever suffice. How do millions of women do this day in and day out? I pray for half their strength. It just seems unfair.

In what world is 5 months enough time with your child? Granted, I know I'm one of the lucky ones who was able to take more than 3 months off, but it's simply not enough.  There is an inherent flaw in our social system that only allows mothers a matter of weeks or a handful of months to bond with their newborn child. I'm not going to discuss the extraordinary benefits that those mothers in other countries receive postpartum, as that will just add insult to injury, but as I'm now saddled with the guilt, heartbreak, frustration and sadness that goes along with returning to work post baby, I'm raising my hand with those mothers before me...something needs to change. Our children need something to change. Our families need something to change.