too much

I surrender! Today has been one of those days where I wish I could just throw my arms up in defeat and call it a day. Not that today was a particularly bad day, but it was just too much. This working mom business is fucking hard. Yep, it is.
Most days are manageable and "normal."

• 6:00- wake up
• work out (I mean, it typically loses to sleeping 30 extra minutes but I like trying to convince you all that I work out regularly)
• get myself ready
• make my lunch
• wake up Sydney- change, dress and feed her, get us packed up and out the door. 
• 8/8:30- arrive at school, wash her hands, sign her in at two different check points and then...
•  I'm off to my day job of managing projects. Ha, as if managing our lives isn't a big enough project. So I shuffle and juggle throughout the day, thankfully laughing throughout most of it, due to legit coworkers. 
• 5/5:30-pick up Sydney and we hit the road for our 45 minute (traffic permitting) drive home.
• Once in the door it's a tide-her-over-until-dinner snack to avoid meltdown...
• while I scramble to determine if A) I can whip up dinner in time for all of us to eat or B) find something for Sydney to eat, and put off making our dinner until she's fast asleep. It's usually the latter, so leftovers or canned TJ's soup for the little lady it is! (Don't worry, it's always healthy and organic. Blah)
• Her dinner usually ends with a high chair full of food scraps and one messy girl. 
• We wipe her down (extent to which is dependent if it's bath night or not)
• 7:00-upstairs we go to start the 30 min bedtime routine. Wash her face, brush her teeth, change her diaper, jammies, stories and down she goes. Goodnight, love you, see you in the morning with a big hug and a big kiss. 
•  Time for Evan and I to eat. 
• 8/8:30 the marathon is over and my ass is on the couch, a Real Housewives or Bachelor episode waiting for me. 

End scene.

So today was that day, but it began with Sydney literally shitting in my hand. And when your kid poops in your hand before 7:15AM, you know you've got a helluva day waiting for you.  My calendar said I had 9 meetings. My email said I had 8 different projects- all with URGENT deadlines. My mind said eff this...pass the girl scout cookies. Except...yesterday's Jamie took a drastic measure and hung a post-it on her monitor that read "NO MORE COOKIES," and today's Jamie didn't want to let her down. So instead, I sniffed out some candy that was a suitable stand-in.  Really, how is one supposed to practice self-care in between contentious conversations about loaf cake signs and Frappuccino banners? You're not. That's why God (or Hershey's) made candy. And why Scouts made Girls...no, that's so not right, but whatever.
And just when I didn't think I could take much more, I picked up my loose cannon of a toddler. It's a scientific fact that toddlers have split personalities. I'd say about 90% of the time, Sydney is precious and adorable and a dream to be around. But that 10%? Umm...
As luck would have it, today was one of those 10% days. Tonight I was the mom with the kid in full on meltdown mode. Screaming and flailing as I calmly tried to get us to the car. Giving the "oh these crazy kids" smile to every parent I passed, when all I really wanted to do was say "hot potato- catch!" throw Sydney into their arms and run like a bat outta hell, driving off into the sunset with JT.
But reality meant that...
It didn't stop there. The meltdown lasted halfway through the drive home and picked right back up the second we walked in the door when I wouldn't let her play with our snowshoes in the garage. I know, you can say it, I'm so mean.
But the funny thing about parenthood, is that regardless of how taxing, exhausting, trying and hard it is, you still love your child as if they hung the moon. Putting our little stinker to bed tonight made my heart ache because that was the end of our time for the day. I hadn't gotten enough of her, I wanted more.
Okay, maybe 15 mins later, I was real happy to eat and plant my ass on the couch.

And tomorrow we shall start fresh.



*disclaimer- i have no energy to proofread this or spellcheck or include pictures. don't judge. you're still reading this so obviously it didn't bother you too much.
**evan is a wonderful husband and dad, and totally helps with morning and nighttime routines. the above was my selfish perspective. homeboy usually takes the lead with kid #1, kirby.

twinsies

Lately I've been hearing how much Sydney looks like Evan. So, in an attempt to disprove the theory, I thought I'd do a little pic-stitch work. As it turns out, everyone else is right and I'm wrong. 

Sydney's newest trick is doing "brain freeze" face. Apparently it's genetic.

Add caption

EYES

Me, Sydney and my twin, Isabella (niece)

refresh

Goodbye Holiday season, hello…hello what? The new year, sure, although I'm beginning to think the whole New Year thing is so overdone. Even still, 7 days into the new year, my FB and Instagram newsfeeds are still bombarded with resolutions, starting fresh, etc. I understand that the new year is "clean slate" zone. Many feel this is the boost or kick they've needed for a major life overhaul. You want to cook more, eat less, create more crafts, work out harder, get more rest,  spend more time outdoors, spend more time at museums, be a better mom/dad/wife/husband/daughter/son/employee. Sounds completely and utterly exhausting to me. I'm not denying the importance of goals or trying to discourage those who have created an inspirational list for themselves, but can we just step back a moment and realize what we DO have? What we HAVE done? Who we REALLY are? And then you can become someone else if needed. Don’t get me wrong, there are things I'm putting my mind to as well, but I typically just wait for Mondays to start fresh... lap of luxury in the back seat That's about enough of that. On to Sydney we go! The holidays were a whirlwind! This year, little miss was more aware of the season, but was right at the cusp of understanding how glorious it all is. Thanksgiving included a road trip to Winthrop to see G&G Sodi, watch the town light up with Christmas lights, experience real cold and snow.  put the camera down and get me inside! lights yum? And then it was quickly on to Christmas, starting with a trip to the tree farm with the cousins to pick out the perfect tree (perfect really means the least worst one on the farm- trees were no bueno this year).  Our annual shot at the tree farm. Last year Sydney pretty much slept through the entire hunt. This year she cruised around the farm like she owned it. Getting the kiddos' height in front of the little tree and ruler is a new tradition we started last year. And this year Ian was included! three little monkeys bundled.  Next on the holiday hit list was Santa, of course. It was a total success. And then the big day arrived, despite her experience at the north pole. early bird gets the best presents exploring her loot christmas morn fireside read mom's favorite gift. i mean seriously? die. And onward we moved into 2014 with some of our fave friends. Babes were slightly devastated when they heard they wouldn't be staying up to see the ball drop.  happy new year, kids.

familia

A few weeks ago my good friend Jen took our family photos/Sydney's belated one year pics. She's a super talented photographer and did an absolutely incredible job with our pictures.  Some of our faves (omitting potential Christmas card options):

toddlerhood

A little known secret about babies is that once they hit the year mark, they're immediately toddlers. Perhaps that was breaking news to me, but I've learned quickly. Sydney is definitely a toddler these days, with her own opinion on what she wants and when she wants it. We joke that she has split personalities or mood swings, and you know what? It's actually not a joke! Don't get my wrong, our little darling is still that, just more spirited. Now that she's officially walking like a pro, she has lots of great opportunities to find fun and trouble. Oh to be young again...
These days Sydney:

• Is all about mimicking. She'll mimic tones, voice fluctuations, and movements. My favorite is to hear her try and say works we really annunciate like "CAR, BIRDIE, and cocka-doodle-doo."
• has decided her car seat is akin to the electric chair and flips a lid every time we buckle on up. I have to remind her that's she's not committed any crimes and the seat is purely for her safety. 
• is a daddy's girl. She's going through a big daddy phase and it's pretty adorable. She just cannot get enough of Evan. And he, simply cannot get enough of her. Melt.My.Heart.
• loves, loves, loves school. I try not to take it personally that she's really excited to get into her classroom every morning and doesn't flinch when I walk out the door. Plus side? She's pretty well adjusted. 
• is a climber. Everything is worth a climb. Nothing is off limits. The Christmas tree will be a fun experiment.
• has really discovered the slide, although she's a cautious one. Rather than sliding down easily, she digs her heels in so she can control the pace in which she slides down. Such a safe little one. 

That covers her tricks. And now for pics.

topless carving

this is amazing!!!

masterpieces

enjoying Crocktober

papa and his girls 

such a seattlite

thrilled to be schooled

kicking at the children's museum

punkin

And it's officially fall. Hello leaves, pumpkins, etc. And hello mini candy bars. I'm having a love-hate relationship with my work enviro because there are always (ALWAYS) mini candy bars around and while my sweet tooth rejoices, my waist band expands. Just once, just once I would love to have a little dose of willpower. Grrr.

But you don't care about me and my first world problems, you care about this confused little nugget. 

And hopefully you really care about her Halloween costume, because really, that's the best part of this time of year. We've already worn the little strawberry twice and have some pretty serious trick-or-treating in store for the 31st (And again…my waist band expands). 

We hit up the pumpkin patch a couple weeks ago with some friends and their 1 year olds and had a fab time. Obvi.

checking out the chicks

solidarity circle

life is good.

giddy up

my love

And on an unrelated note, she's still not walking. I know it's fine and normal and blah blah blah, but as I expressed when she still hadn't started crawling, I'm just a little nervous. But more than nervous, I also am just pissed at BabyCenter, TheBump.com, Parenting magazine and any other literature I expose myself to. Turns out, I'm not a fan of knowing about milestones. It's a totally absurd statement from a parent, but in my nervous, anxiety ridden mind, I can't help but worry and panic if she's not EXACTLY where "they" say she should be.  Why? Apparently I'm a sucker for peer pressure.